One of the greatest mysteries of human behaviour is this:
A person can sing loudly in the shower.
Dance shamelessly in the living room.
Argue confidently with a football referee on television.
Even give unsolicited relationship advice to friends.
But the moment you ask that same person to speak in public, they suddenly behave as if they have been summoned before a firing squad.
Why?
Fear of being judged.
This is one of the most common public speaking problems for beginners.
In fact, many people don’t fear speaking itself.
They fear what people might think about their speaking.
“What if I make a mistake?”
“What if I forget my words?”
“What if they laugh at me?”
“What if they discover I’m not as smart as I look on LinkedIn?”
These thoughts have destroyed more speeches than poor microphones ever have.
The tragedy is that most of these fears exist only in our imagination.
Let’s be honest.
The average audience member is not conducting a detailed performance review of your presentation.
Most people are wondering whether lunch will arrive on time.
Others are checking whether their phones have enough battery.
A few are still thinking about an argument they had in traffic.
The audience is far less focused on you than you think.
Yet fear of judgment causes thousands of talented people to avoid speaking opportunities every year.
Meetings.
Presentations.
Panel discussions.
Networking events.
Even wedding toasts.
Some people would rather pretend they have suddenly developed a mysterious throat condition than stand up and speak.
If that sounds familiar, don’t worry.
There is a cure.
Exercise 1: One opinion per day
The first step is surprisingly simple.
Share one opinion every day.
That’s it.
If you’re in a meeting, contribute one idea.
If you’re in a discussion, offer one viewpoint.
If your colleagues are debating where to eat lunch, express a preference.
You don’t have to deliver a TED Talk.
You simply need to train your brain to become comfortable expressing thoughts publicly.
Many people avoid speaking because they have made silence a habit.
The problem with habits is that they grow stronger with practice.
The solution is to create a new habit.
The habit of contributing.
Start small.
Consistency matters more than brilliance.
Exercise 2: Watch yourself without becoming a judge
Here’s an uncomfortable challenge.
Record yourself speaking.
Then watch the video.
Notice I didn’t say criticize yourself.
I said watch yourself.
Most people become their own harshest judges.
They watch a recording and immediately begin an internal attack.
“My voice sounds strange.”
“My face looks weird.”
“Why do I move my hands like that?”
“Do I really blink that much?”
The answer is yes.
And that’s okay.
Instead of searching for flaws, watch with curiosity.
Imagine you’re coaching a friend.
Look for strengths.
Notice improvements.
Observe habits objectively.
The goal is not perfection.
The goal is progress.
Remember this important fact:
The audience usually notices far fewer mistakes than you do.
Most people are too busy listening to your message.
You are the only person replaying every tiny error in high definition.
Exercise 3: Join a speaking club
There is something magical about practicing with people who are trying to improve just like you.
Whether it’s a public speaking club, a communication group, or a professional association, regular speaking opportunities accelerate growth.
Why?
Because they normalize public speaking.
The more often you speak, the less frightening it becomes.
Think about your first day at a new job.
Awkward.
Uncomfortable.
Terrifying.
Six months later, you’re walking around like you own the building.
Exposure creates familiarity.
Familiarity creates confidence.
Confidence reduces fear.
Speaking clubs provide a safe environment to make mistakes, learn, and improve.
And unlike social media, nobody is waiting in the comments section to tell you that your presentation ruined their day.
The world’s worst critic lives in your head
Here’s a secret I’ve learned after years of hosting events, interviewing public figures, and speaking before thousands.
Most judgment comes from ourselves.
We assume people are criticizing us when they aren’t.
We imagine negative reactions that never happen.
We create stories in our heads that have little connection to reality.
The truth is that audiences are remarkably forgiving.
They understand nervousness.
They appreciate authenticity.
They respect effort.
And they generally want speakers to succeed.
After all, nobody attends a presentation hoping for a disaster.
They want value.
They want insight.
They want entertainment.
They are on your side.
Stay on cue
If fear of being judged has been stopping you from speaking up, remember this:
Every confident speaker you admire was once a nervous beginner.
Every polished presenter once stumbled over words.
Every great communicator once worried about what people thought.
The difference is that they spoke anyway.
Your confidence will not arrive before action.
It will arrive because of action.
So share that opinion.
Record that video.
Join that speaking club.
And remember:
People are not thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.
They’re busy worrying about what people think of them.
Want to stop fearing judgment and start speaking with confidence? Send the keyword “CONFIDENT” to my WhatsApp and let’s help you find your voice, own the room, and stay on cue.
The post On Cue with Kafui Dey: The audience is not plotting against you appeared first on The Business & Financial Times.
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